Bub was feeling under the weather since last night. He had fever. Yesterday afternoon, I had taken him along to the outskirts of the city, to attend a friend’s wedding. Guilt clawed at my inside, maybe the long dusty travel had caused his fever. And as bub suffered more and more, first crying inconsolably, then being awake throughout the night, then having a stuffed nose, the guilt took enormous proportions.
Visited the doctor today. He wasn’t too worried, said viral fever was doing its rounds, had attacked bub too. Guilty heart made me promise myself that I wouldn’t take him out till he was better.
Came home. Bub got cranky. Consoled him. Felt guilty for feeling hungry.
House help called up to say she won’t be coming. Had work to do, but impossible with a feverish baby. Called the husband home early. Felt guilty for not managing the home.
Sounds familiar? I’m sure it bloody does. This is what all mommies go through every minute of their lives.
Baby crying, guilty. Baby sleeping for long, guilty. Baby is ill, guilty. Baby is mischievous, guilty. Home is mismanaged, guilty. Home is perfectly managed, yet guilty for some other reason.
Oh, this guilt fest never ends! Sometimes it makes me wakeful. Sometimes I cry.
But no matter what I do, guilty I am.
Girls, come on. Get out of it! The whole world is out there to get you. Don’t do it to yourself too. I know I’m not the perfect person to comment on this, but hey! YOU are doing the best for your baby and your family! Don’t let your guilty feelings take it away from you. Be strong! Be happy!